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Post by Zack Fair on Jun 18, 2009 23:07:13 GMT -5
You need more to your attacks.
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Post by Maxxy on Jun 18, 2009 23:16:52 GMT -5
H'ok, here we go.
Name through Loyalty, good.
Personality: We did kind of ask for 2 paragraphs. We'll need you to lengthen that. You don't have to add anything, just embellish what you've already got a little more.
Appearance: Same deal. We asked for 3 to 4...
History: Technically, most of this isn't about your character, but that doesn't matter. It's not bad, but could you add in how Mai came to be wandering the multiverse of Kingdom Hearts? It'll add on an extra paragraph and fill all the requirements.
Weapons: Ok
Abilities: Overall, not bad. Just for clarification, could you explain what a 'fire's circle' is?
Items: Um...what IS the heirloom?
Fighting style: This section needs to be retyped. The first sentence is fine, but the rest of it doesn't make much sense. She's aggressive in a calm way? Her grandfather 'rely' on her to use all the skills he taught her? Ok, she uses her fans to attack from a distance, but what is her 'unique' fighting style?
Other: N/A
RP sample: Actually, this isn't bad at all.
This comment has to do with the profile as a whole. You need to work on your grammar. You should type the way you would talk. To work on it, try rereading what you typed out loud. If it doesn't sound right, then say it out lout the way it should sound. Then type that. I won't deny your profile based on grammar alone, but you'll have to address the other points before you can start RPing.
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Post by ROME on Jun 22, 2009 14:13:06 GMT -5
** PENDING ** Luxord or Maxxy please review app.
** ACTIVITY CHECK ON USER **
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Post by ROME on Jun 26, 2009 8:29:18 GMT -5
** Rejected due to in-activity **
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